What's the Worst Way to Give Advice? Just jump in with “What you need to do is...” Almost guaranteed rejection!
Being told what to do sets off the rebellious inner teenager instinct. Pressure causes resistance. The more you can reduce pressure, the more open someone will be to your suggestion. Here’s a simple 1-2-3- for giving advice in a way someone’s more likely to accept it.
1. Understand
A man walking lost through the desert catches up with a Bedouin and asks him how long it will take to get to the next town. The Bedouin looks away, carries on walking one minute, two, three and four minutes while the man continues by his side. “Well?” asks the man impatiently. “About three hours,” replies the Bedouin. “Why didn’t you tell me that from the start?” asks the man. “First, I had to see how quickly you walk,” replies the Bedouin.
2. Ask permission
“I have an idea that might help – would you like me to tell you?” Often you’ll find people say &ldq;No that&rsquouo;s OK, I’m just talking it through.” In which case you’ve avoiding jamming a suggestion in where it’s not wanted. Accept it, resist the temptation to try to get your idea in later, and focus on helping them talk it through.
3. Reduce pressure
No one likes to be talked down to or pressured into a decision. So frame your advice in such a way that you can communicate the idea without pushing.
High Pressure
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Low Pressure
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I think |
Have you thought about..? |
